you turned your livingroom into a bong?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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