Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
