Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
