I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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