look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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