Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
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Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
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After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
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