i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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