i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
