I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize