Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
