Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
