dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize