I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
