everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
