My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
