Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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