My nipple is on Facebook.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
