That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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