I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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