it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
