I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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