I wish i was in the wii world.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
