I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
