oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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