at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
