Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
