Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
