Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
