Having a random hookup so left but love u
they need to just BURY HIM!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
