we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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