I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
