if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
