at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
