I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
