Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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