am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I can't turn off my feet"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
