Your mouth is God's brothel.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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