Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just invented taco cereal.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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