yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize