I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
