Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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