You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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