he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
