I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
