I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
