Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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