Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
