so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
