Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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