My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
