so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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