So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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