So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
