So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
