I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
