if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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