found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
FUCK WHALES
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
