eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
