I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
