What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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