Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
