Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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