You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
