dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
