are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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